Saturday 16th October 2021

Dear Diary,

It’s just me, your creator, popping in to say hello and thus confirm that although mostly absent I do still exist. It’s a matter of faith!

I bring sad news. I’ve decided to shelve Revs for good.

Nah! I’m just kidding. I have finished it and I will chuck it out into the ether some time this month. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous about it. I’m worried that, given the time it’s taken to complete, there may be high expectations. I fear not meeting them. I hope those of you who choose to read it at least get something from it, perhaps even find some worth in it.

After a cloudy summer, September brought some long awaited sunshine. It meant I could get outside and tend to the gardens properly. ZZ is back on board after the nightmare of Covid lockdowns and keeping distance. I really missed him being around last summer, not that I told him. I don’t want him thinking I like him and value his opinion or anything. We’re happiest when we’re at odds. He loves giving as good as he gets. He’d be sad if I was nice to him. We’re having our annual standoff regarding getting rid of summer bedding plants in favour of autumn/winter bedding. I like hanging on as long as there’s still some flowers in evidence and he likes digging up and composting the buggers sooner rather than later.

I suppose life is more normal than it has been, but still not quite the same as pre-covid. I’m at least able to see Eileen properly in a face-to-face sense, something I missed terribly. Horace, Eileen’s demon moggie, isn’t so keen at having me around again. He got too used to having her to himself during lockdown. He’s back to his ankle nipping ways whenever I sidle past him - the fucking evil fleabag.

It’s quite cold today, you can defo feel the change in the season. Mornings and evenings are darker too. I can’t believe we’re approaching the end of the year already. Time speeds by. It’s scary, which is appropriate I suppose, given that Halloween is coming up. It’ll be Christmas before you know it. According to the media, we in Old Blighty will be lucky to find anything celebratory in the season with all kinds of shortages being predicted from turkey, pork and sprouts to kid’s toys. Supermarket shelves are spartan enough already. There aren’t enough doctors. Dentists are like gold fillings, expensive and hard to come by. There are no delivery drivers, not enough pig and chicken stranglers, and so on and so on. Energy prices are through the roof, food prices too. According to some reports the French are threatening to blockade ports and the Channel Tunnel and stop even more stuff coming in. They’ll be dropping baguettes stuffed with anti-British propaganda on us next. Napoleon Macron hates us Brits. I just hope there isn’t a war. I don’t want to be conscripted, not at the moment. We’re planning on decorating our bedroom. I’ve set my sights on a gorgeous wallpaper to create a feature wall with. War will fuck up my schedule. I’ll have to become a conscientious objector on home improvement grounds.   

Anyway, enough chuntering. I’ve got stuff to do. Lunch won’t make itself. I also want to make a start on clearing the bedroom before Shane backtracks and decides we can put up with the present decor for at least another five years. Wait until he finds out how much the wallpaper is going to cost. I’ll have to join the Foreign Legion to escape his wrath. Ciao for now!

Monday 25th October 2021

Popping in for a mega fast visit.

We’ve got a visitor at the moment. I can’t say I’m chuffed about it. With the bedroom still in process of being decorated everything is a bit of a mess. Throwing Harry, our visitor, into the mix pissed me off a bit. He’s a cousin of Shane and he’s all right I suppose, in small doses. He has a habit of following me around while chuntering in my lug. I can’t get stuff done without tripping over him. The stuff he chunters about is really random too. He lived in New Zealand for years and he refers back to it all the time.

Anyway, like I said, fast visit just to say -

It’s done. It’s out there. Revs. After so long it feels odd saying that, and kind of anxiety provoking. I feel a bit lost and a bit regretful. I’m wondering whether I should have just left it as a promise. There was so much to cover and I’m now doubting I did it justice. If you're disappointed then I apologise.

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