Thursday 5th October 2017

I was out for a run this morning when I suddenly noticed the trees were sporting their full autumn regalia. I mean I knew it was autumn according to the calendar, but I don’t think I’d accepted it on a gut level. The colour of the leaves took me by surprise. When the fuck did it happen? I swear they were green yesterday. Surely I’d have noticed if the trees were on the turn? Apparently not! There they were in shades of red and yellow and there I was suddenly aware of a damp chill in the air. Denial vanished. Autumn is here and winter will follow. Time moves on. I felt melancholic as I headed home, as if I’d somehow missed out on a portion of life. I had a bit of a cry to be honest. Then I blew my nose and got on with things, things mainly being coffee and biscuits, because as everyone known the only cure for autumn melancholia is sugar and caffeine. Fuck the naysayers who want us to believe everything barring raw carrots and herbal tea is bad for us. You can’t beat a mug of good coffee and a delicious sugar laden treat. Mmmm.

I know I’ve neglected the diary again, but it’s just the way it is at the moment. I have been busy on the home front doing my duty as houseboy and host. We’ve had quite a few visitors passing through, demanding clean sheets and good food. The concept of Travelodge is a fucking mystery to some.

I haven’t abandoned writing altogether. I’m still typing up details of my April Fools jape. It should be ready soon. I just need to concentrate my mind to it. My attention span equals that of a goldfish these days. I sit down at the computer and my mind starts wandering. I then trawl the news sites reading about the scummy dregs of humanity, which depresses me still further. It’s ridiculous. I wish I had more self-discipline.

Autumn has some advantages I suppose: cosy nights in front of the fire, if we can get Shane to turn it on before the thermometer drops below zero. Strictly on the telly as well as Xfactor, if we can get Shane to allow us to watch such rubbish. Then there’s Halloween to look forward to, if we can get Shane to stop rolling his eyes and dissing it for encouraging kids to beg for sweets they don’t need. In the UK there’s Bonfire night, but we won’t even go there seeing as I’m virtually blindfolded to stop me peeping at the pretty sparkles. Christmas looms with all its glitter and promise of magic, which usually disappoints. Sigh. I think I might need another cup of coffee and a fondant fancy.



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