Tuesday 4th June 2013

Hello, hello, ‘tis me, the houseboy jogging in to open a page for June. JUNE! It’s June already. Where does the time go eh? Where does it go? If it gallops any faster I’ll have to consider putting a deposit on a grave plot for the three of us. Not that Dick and Shane want to be buried. They want to be cremated. Morbid talk. Let us move onto more cheery topics.

The sun is beaming here in Blighty and about time too. We are all off on us hols this Friday. Yay! I can’t wait to spend some sunny quality time with my elderly caravanners. I’m busy preparing for it. We’re going to Jumper or Jersey as the posh folks call it.

I wound Shane up rather nicely this morning. At the weekend I finally got to see The Hobbit. I’ve had the Blu Ray for a while and I wanted us all to watch it together. Shane wasn’t keen. He reckoned it’s a kid’s film. He wanted Dick to watch it with me while he went and did something else. Anyway I reasoned with him (pouted and whined) until he agreed to join us. Come Saturday night we had a nice Chinese Takeaway for dinner and then settled down to watch the film. Dick and I got into it and unlike the time I tried to see it at the cinema there was no sign of my brain going off like a bar of popping candy. Shane was unimpressed. He kept glancing at his watch and muttering stuff like: ‘how fucking long is this film, is it ever going to end.’ He thought it was tedious tripe. He has NO free child imagination at all.  

The only positive thing he had to say was that he rather liked the music, especially the 'Misty Mountains Cold' song and also the song that played as the closing credits roll. (I think it was relief at the film being over.) I liked the music too and was pretty quick to buy and download the official soundtrack. There are loads of covers of both songs round and about on YouTube and other channels. I found one I really love. It’s a metal cover of ‘Misty Mountains Cold’ with a deathcore breakdown. It’s epic. I’ve been playing it over and over again. I burned it onto a CD (just for my own pleasure so I can play it in the kitchen and about the house when I’m slaving away)

Anyway, getting back to this morning. Shane was having his brekkie. The sun was beaming sweet and warm through the kitchen window. The birds were singing. It was all mellow and calm. I decided some ambient music was required and stuck on metal Misty. It starts off much like the original, all solemn and slow and melodic. I could see Shane was enjoying it, as he sipped at his coffee. I slyly edged up the volume so that when the metal took over from the melodic it would have more impact.

I watched his face as the pace picked up. It was fucking hilarious. His brows came together in a frown of puzzlement. I could tell he was thinking: I don’t remember it being quite like this in the film. I whipped the volume up higher still, so that when the deathcore breakdown part hit it really hit. His reaction as the guitar screeched into action cracked me up. He looked shell-shocked. If he’d been a cat his ears would have been flattened against his head.

Banging his cup down on the table he stood up and bellowed at me: “turn that unholy fucking racket off. NOW!”  Bless him, his Daddy feathers were all ruffled. I got a good slap across the arse for shattering his morning calm and sending him off to work with a headache. ‘You’ll be the death of me, boy, with your juvenile antics.’  Dick doesn’t like the metal cover either. Him and Shane are at an age where softer tunes are favoured above raucous material.

Work on my new book is slooooow. I’m not in the zone. It’s going to be a hard one for me this one. Be patient with me, houseboy fans. I’ll try and get there.

Ciao for now. 

July 2013


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