Friday 12th July 2013

Hello, peeps and peepettes,

I thought I’d better pop in and show my face, so to speak.

Whew! What a scorcher it is in my portion of Blighty today. It’s hot enough to fry eggs on the pavement, and what a great way to save money on the gas and leccy bills in these austere times.  Mind you I can’t see my men folk being too chuffed if I served up pavement fried egg and bacon for dinner tonight. Sir Shane in particular would blanch at the very thought of having food scraped up off germ ridden pavements. He’s so fussy.

We’ve been back from our hols for a while, but I’ve been busy with house and garden stuff. The Jersey holiday was good in its way. The island is beautiful with lovely beaches. The food was good and there were plenty of water sports to keep the men folk happy, too happy. I felt obliged to throw a mega strop when I felt they were messing about with boats more than messing about with me. I’m not a big fan of boats.

You know me. I’m not a demanding kind of guy. I can go hours without having any attention lavished on me, but there comes a point when I need to know I’m the apple of my men folk’s eyes. I need their time, attention and utter admiration, and if I don’t get it then I’m afraid I get crabby and feel unloved.

I didn’t mind them donning deck shoes and life jackets to go sailing around the coast on a hired yacht for a day. I can keep myself busy. I don’t live in their pockets. I sunbathed, shopped and pottered and enjoyed my own space. I was slightly peeved when they sailed away for a second day, but I manned up gracefully, gave them my blessing and toddled off to spend a happy and fragrant day at a lavender farm. They need their time to be Daddy and boy together. It's important.

However, when it happened for a third day in a row I thought hang on a cotton-picking moment, this is getting out of hand. Dick tried placating me with honeyed words and soft kisses, saying how sweet I was to allow them their sailing time and I was such a good boy, he was so proud of me. Shane said there was plenty of time for us to spend together and three days sailing wasn’t asking too much. ‘Stop being a selfish little sod.’

So, they went off for a third day to play Captain and cabin boy leaving me to my own devices.
I felt obliged to stage a protest. I locked them out of our luxury apartment. Dick has no problem slipping locks, but bolts are a different matter and the apartment doors were fitted with sturdy bolts and safety chains as well as locks.  

They arrived back from their day on the briny to find they couldn’t access the apartment. To my annoyance they didn’t mind a bit. They went off to have a cosy dinner for two at a local restaurant. They minded later though, when I refused to let them in to go to bed. They tried threats and cajolements, but I wasn’t budging. They could sleep on the fucking lawn or the patio. I wanted assurances that they were done duo sailing and more time would be spent with me doing what I liked to do, cycling and sightseeing. Assurances were given and I let them in, whereupon both of them pounced. The houseboy, fucking pest, was stripped naked, slapped about the bottom and then put under tickle torture until he begged for mercy.

I got my share of time alone with Shane when Dick went off to play golf, and then we had our time together as a trio. It was a nice break, but I was glad to get home. I’m a homebody at heart.

I’ve been doing a bit of work on the new book. I’ve got a few chapters penned out, but I have no idea when it will be completed. I feel a bit daunted by it.

I’ve been working in the garden all morning getting the lawns cut. I’m going over to Eileen’s in a mo to give her a hand with her garden. It’s too big for her to manage on her own these days.

It’s going to be cold fare for dinner this evening. No way am I slaving over a hot stove, or a hot pavement, in this weather.

Have a great weekend!


Friday 19th July 2013

Okay! Enough is enough I say. It’s too darn HOT! We Brits aren’t used to sweltering temps and scorching sunshine. We’re like vampires. We shrivel under the sun. It’s been more than ten days now for heaven’s sake. What is this, summer or something! Sheesh.

Our house is a crabby house due to the heat, especially at night. We’re each occupying a different bedroom. It was either that or a fight to the death. Jesus it was like being in a bear pit the other night with us all snarling and snapping at each other. The end came when I dragged on a pair of wet socks to try and cool my feet, cos if your feet are cool it cools the rest of you. The men folk took exception to me wearing wet socks to bed and I was the first to be turfed from the room of cohabitation. ‘I don’t know where you get your fucking ideas from, boy.’  Dick baled out soon after leaving Shane to growl alone.

It’s too hot for sex. Not even Dick’s rampant member can be bothered to rampage in this heat. Our poor willies are all but comatose. It’s tragic. They’re like flags waiting for a stiff breeze to stir them to life again. Too much info perhaps, but sod it I don’t care. I feel reckless today.

Talking of tragedy I had a near run thing with my book on Tuesday. I was working on it when the damn word document suddenly hung. I couldn’t do a thing with it. It wouldn’t save. It wouldn’t close. I was in a real sweat. Then a message came up saying word had encountered an error and would have to close. I tried reopening it afterwards, but it wouldn’t. It was corrupted. I confess to a shouting swearing temper tantrum followed by a bout of unrestrained sobbing. Thank God the men folk weren’t home or I’d have been in bother for the shameful display I put on. It’s taken me a few days, but I think, THINK, fingers crossed, that I’ve rescued most of it. I have no idea why what happened, happened. Bloody computers.

I’m going to get my hose out now, no not that one, get your minds out of the gutter, the rubber one in the garden. I’m going to water the plants and I might even water myself while I’m at it.

Ciao for now. 


August

 
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